Upgrading Vista to XP

Found this beautiful article, a review on upgrading to XP from Vista.

In other news, I bought my Mac. It comes next week. It cost more than my wife's minivan (which, admittedly, we bought with 166k miles on it). It's the third most expensive purchase of my life, after my house and my car.

Here's to hoping it's worth it.

Vista sucks so much it drove me into the arms of a loving Mac,
Randy

THE CAKE HAS BEEN TAKEN!

Vista has successfully taken the cake:


How do you like error code 80070002, eh?

"Get help".

You know, that's great advice. FANTASTIC advice. I'm going to get help right away.

Most likely from a leopard.

Vista sucks, but the cake is so delicious and moist,
Randy

Oh, Come ON! No RAR support?

I can almost... almost... understand why they'd leave Windows Vista with no built in graphics program better than Paint, which remains basically the same as it was in Windows 3.1. You have all these bedfellows who sell graphics programs -- Adobe, for instance -- and you tell them, "Hey, if you promise to release your next versions ONLY for Vista, we promise to not include any real graphics programs with our OS."

I'm not saying that happened -- I'm just saying I could imagine it happening, which would explain why something as simple as a robust image editor isn't included in Vista. It makes sense from a certain twisted perspective.

But no support for RAR and TAR files?


You of course know what I'm talking about. RARs and TARs are types of zip formats, like ZIP. If you have a file named blah.zip, Vista knows how to open it. It CAN open it. It unzips it. But if you have a RAR or a TAR -- formats that, granted, are more common among the Linux and Max crowds -- Vista plays dumb.

Historically, Windows has always tried this. "Don't support other systems." Has it worked? Has it locked people into Windows somehow? Of course not. Is it even a logical business tactic? No. It's just Microsoft being a bully, throwing its weight around because it can. "Why should we provide a service that isn't an absolute requirement? Why facilitate the sharing of information with other systems? That would somehow acknowledge that we don't have a monopoly -- and if folks realize that, they might begin to think they have other choices."

An operating system doesn't HAVE to include image editors, sound editors, movie editors, games, word processors, or even web browsers. It DOES have to include the ability to see your files, though. By deliberately NOT supporting a standard compression format, Vista is failing on a fundamental requirement.

Vista sucks, but not in the cool Vampire way -- rather, more like a leech,
Randy

I'm sorry, I can't do that, Dave...

Ever since XP added the great feature where Windows now boots in less than one minute, we've all had to live with being unable to use Windows for the first 5 minutes after it's all booted up because it presents you with an inert or sluggish desktop while it continues to finish booting in the background.

It's sort of like when you cleaned your room as a kid. You know, your mom would say "Did you put your socks in the hamper?" and instead of saying "Ummm, no", you'd run back into your room, then come back out a minute later and announce "Yes!"

You can get a gadget for Vista that lets you watch the CPU usage on your computer. What I find very odd, however, is that while in XP my CPU will spin at 100% for the first 2-3 minutes after booting, in Vista it never seems to get above about 14%.

Is Vista that much faster? No. Vista is lying. If you attempt to interact with the machine, you will immediately discover that Vista isn't finished getting ready. You can click an icon to select it, but double-clicking won't launch the application for at least 30 seconds--if at all. Even better, right-clicking won't even bring up the context menu for items in the system tray. But Vista isn't busy, oh no: the CPU is sitting there at 8%.

It's like telling your kid to stop watching cartoons and go clean up their room, and having them say, "Okay, I'm done" without taking their eyes off the screen. Then if you ask them if they picked up their socks they say nothing. After the cartoons are over, they get up, go ride bikes for a while, then come back and pick up their socks. THEN they proudly announce "Yes!"

If Vista was my kid, I would become an abusive father in self defense. And no jury would ever convict me.

Posting this from Kubuntu,

Chalain

WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS?

Is this really the kind of thing that merits a POP-UP WINDOW?!


I won't even bother asking WHY this has to happen. Who KNOWS why the color scheme of my entire OPERATING SYSTEM has to change when I run a particular program.

If you had an infinite number of monkeys on an infinite number of computers, they could code Vista in THE EXACT SAME AMOUNT OF TIME IT TOOK MICROSOFT. THIS IS NOT A COINCIDENCE.

(And if they then installed Vista on their computers, they'd never produce anything else again.)

Vista sucks more than monkey feces in my keyboard,
Randy

A Grim Outlook

So yesterday, a certain email appeared to be too much for Outlook to handle. As I tried a dozen different remedies, I kept getting the same message:


Now, there's no telling if this problem was Vista-related or not, but one of the things Vista suggested was to get the latest updates -- for VISTA -- and so I tried that. I won't go into how annoying the update process is--

Yes I will. Know how in XP, you run a Windows update, and it happens in the background, and you need to restart your computer to have it take effect? Well in Vista, the update doesn't install until after you tell the computer to shut down. Then you sit there and wait, watching this funky blue screen that tells you the installation's progress. THEN it restarts.

Used to be you could get work done while your OS updated. Not anymore.

Anyway, I finally solved the problem by downloading and installing Thunderbird, checking that email account, downloading the offending message (still no idea why Outlook choked on it), then Outlook ran fine after that.

In other news, Apple's stock price has more than doubled since I liquidated all my shares last year. OUCH.

Vista sucks, but maybe I can short MSFT,
Randy

No Going Back for Basics

I heard I could downgrade Vista to XP, and started hunting around. Sadly, my edition of Vista is Vista Basic, which contains no downgrade rights.

I'm downloading Kubuntu right now.

"...You WANT a Hard Drive?"

For some reason, Vista thought I might want to remove my hard drive and my DVD drive.


Okay. Um, thanks, Vista. And thanks for cluttering my screen with an extra icon in case I wanted to yank either of those out while my computer is running. I can't imagine any possible scenarios in which I would remove internal devices while my computer was running, but you know way more than I do. You're Vista, after all.

In case you can't tell, Vista, I'm being sarcastic. Or do you need a patch to detect that?

Vista sucks, even when it's trying to be helpful,
Randy

Putting the Pressure on Bill

Microsoft is feeling the pressure.

They've extended the availability of XP an extra 5 months. I'm strongly considering buying as many copies as I can find come May or so, and hawking them at scalper-blush prices when folks realize they're stuck with Vista otherwise.

From the article:

Microsoft, for its part, sought to downplay the impact of the move, disagreeing with the notion that there is still strong demand for XP.

"We wouldn't term it strong," said Kevin Kutz, a director in Microsoft's Windows Client unit. "We would describe this as accommodating a certain element who needs more time."

That's your spin? You get paid to paint pretty pictures of ugly situations, and that's the best you can do? Way to go, Kevin.

Dell also said it support's Microsoft's decision.

"We believe the additional time will help some customers to prepare for the transition from XP to Vista," the company said in a statement.

"Prepare"? How are people going to "prepare" for the transition? Go get a book on how to use your new easy-to-use OS? What you mean is help some customers get used to the idea that they're stuck with Vista. But of course you can't say that, because you're sleeping with the enemy.

If I were a linux flavor, I'd be going after some serious funding to do a marketing blitz to bill yourself as the new alternative to Windows. You come free with Open Office, you have a better history of security, etc.

Not that I personally would be swayed -- not until the game makers start porting their stuff over to Linux. But, you know, the consumers who only need routine stuff out of their computer. Them folks. Grab a chunk of their marketshare.

Vista sucks, but Linux still doesn't have any good games,
Randy

Vista vs. VD

Q. What's the difference between Vista and Gonorrhea?
A. Penicillin.

Posting this from Kubuntu,

Chalain

False Hope, and Can I Please Just Restart?

A chat I had earlier today with my friend Chalain as I was whining about Vista:

Chalain: OH MAN
Chalain: About Vista!
Chalain: There's a whole set of settings that actually make it act SANE.
Chalain: It's like having an infected thorn pulled out of my brain.
Randy Tayler: Indeed??
Chalain: No.

He'd been deliberately pulling my leg. He made Vista livable, as he puts it, by installing Kubuntu.

I went to restart the computer earlier today -- to make the Vista changes take affect, I should remind you -- and it started to restart. I walked away -- I needed to get away from my computer for a while. When I came back, I saw that it hadn't restarted, because instead of a quick DING! pop-up, it had hemmed and hawed and waited 'til I was gone before giving this notice:


My jaw hurts from clenching it so much today.

Vista sucks, and refuses to just restart when you ask it to,
Randy

Gnashing My Teeth, And Using Rich, Luscious Profanity

And, after installing the "Fix" for Vista, and restarting my machine....


Windows Vista, you are a beartrap on the crotch of my soul.

Vista sucks,
Randy

On the Brink of Punching My Monitor...

Another screenshot for you to enjoy:


The problem was caused by Vista? SRSLY?

Well, at least you were honest.

Vista sucks, but is honest about it,
Randy

Barely Controlled Rage

Perhaps I haven't made it clear how much I hate Vista. Let me elaborate.

I will never own a computer with Vista on it. NEVER. I will give up all PC gaming if necessary. I will buy bootleg copies of XP if I have to.

In fact, if I find out that YOU have purchased Vista, deliberately, without putting up a fight with whomever built your PC, I will find you, and I will throw sand in your eyes, repeatedly, until you scream for mercy. Then I will make you name 5 other operating systems you could have chosen but didn't. If you can't name five, I'll make you EAT the sand.

Flavors of Linux count as separate OSes. I'll be generous in that one regard. BUT REMEMBER HOW PLENTIFUL SAND IS! When you buy your next computer, and are selecting the operating system, take note of how easy it is to find sand nearby!

In other news, I'm having some trouble with my Vista machine here at work this morning.

Vista sucks, and I'll find you,
Randy

Yeah, I'm a Little Worried About Macs, Too.

I went to http://www.apple.com/macosx/guidedtour/ to check out Mac's new OS. I've been Mac-curious for some time now, and so I started with their little video.



Only the QuickTime plug-in choked and died. In both IE and Firefox.

QuickTime is Apple's own video software. Maybe NO operating system is trustworthy.

Or maybe computers just hate me.


Or maybe I need be installing Linux. The thought leaves a nasty flavor in my mouth.

("Flavor" -- that's a little joke there for the *nixers out there.)



*That asterisk didn't mean to come down here and see a footnote. *nix is a word that means Unix-like or Linux-like operating system. *nixers are people who... well, people who know lots more about computers than you or I.

Vista is Vistarded

Look at this delightful image:


I hate you Windows Vista. Even if you were the cutest kitten in the world, I would hold you under the water until you went limp. Then I would revive you and set you on fire. Then I would start a blog about how much you suck.

I'll have to be content with the blog for now.

Vista sucks,
Randy

My favorite thing about Vista.

It's sad that my favorite thing about Vista -- favorite thing to hate, that is -- is impossible to grab in a true screenshot. When a security issue arises, you don't just get a pop-up or alert box, no no. THE WHOLE SCREEN GOES BLACK for a second. It looks something like this:

I had to create this image myself, though, because my screenshot grabber won't work when Vista is giving me a security alert of this type. In fact, NOTHING will work until you resolve this security issue. It does give you a pop-up about whatever the issue is, after a moment, but that is ALL YOU CAN DO. You can cancel or accept the action.

"Can I just check online really fast to see if this progra--"
"NEIN! Anzwer ze question! Or ve vill SHOOT ZIS PUPPY!"

Vista sucks,
Randy

Last time I'll harp on this, honest

JUST DELETE THE FILES!


Keep in mind -- it was taking long enough to a) make me notice, b) start to bother me, and c) let me run my screenshot grabber to capture the event for posterity.

Vista sucks,
Randy

Hello? Windows Explorer? You okay?

So, yeah. I click to open a file, and Vista says "Whu? Huh? What time is it? You wanna what? Look in the folder? 'kay, 'kay, gimme a sec."


Those conspicuous empty spaces are where Vista just drew a blank, I guess. Poor girl. She was probably up late downloading security updates.

Vista sucks,
Randy

What's wrong with this picture, part 2

I'm copying 25 items -- a total of 60.3 KB -- and it says it's gonna take about 5 minutes.



"Hey, Mr. Car, thanks for the mileage estimate on this upcoming left turn. How long do you think this turn should take?"
"Thaaaaaat looks like about a 10-minute turn there."
"Really?? Why so long?"
"Listen. You can turn, or you can turn RIGHT. Which is it gonna be?"
"You mean right like correct, or right like the direction? Because I wanna go left--"
"All right, wise guy, you just added 3 minutes to your turn."
"....is it too late for me to go back to riding a bike?"
"You don't want a bike. They're not compatible with any of the major fuel types."

What's wrong with this picture?

Consider the following:


I'm moving one (1) item.

It took probably 10 seconds. First it had to "calculate time remaining" -- which of course took more time than the actual operation itself.

Imagine it happening while you're driving:

"Okay, car, I'm gonna make a left turn here."
"A'right, one sec -- lemme calculate the gas mileage for this turn."
"I don't need the mileage -- I need to turn. Right now. Why won't the wheel move? I'm missing my turn!"
"Hold on, hold on, I almost have it."
"Nevermind. I missed my turn."
"Well, the application of the brakes and the subsequent acceleration was gonna cost you an extra .08 cents, so it's probably for the best."

Vista sucks,
Randy

Um, I don't have WHAT?

I should preface this by saying my user account is that of an administrator. I'm the boss, right?

NOT ACCORDING TO VISTA, I'M NOT.

Imagine you're a homeowner. You're looking for the masking tape, and you can't find it. In your searching, you stumble across a drawer, and lo and behold, it's LOCKED.



Oh. Wait. I can click CONTINUE and get into that secret drawer. Not sure how this is called "security", but okay. I click continue, and it asks me if I want to be able access this folder.

"Um. Yes. Yes I do."

"Okay, sir, you know have access to this folder."

This, as you can guess, was very frustrating. Why would I lock MYSELF out of ANYTHING? Isn't the whole point of different user accounts to have all these locks built in by user status? I'm an Admin, I get the skeleton key.

Oh, crap. Where did I put it? ...hope it's not in this drawer...

Vista sucks,
Randy

Why My Startup Programs Won't Start Up

One would think that Vista would incorporate security.

One would be right.

Everywhere you go in Vista, there are bars and barbed wire to keep bad guys out. You can't take a leak without three Secret Service Agents following you into the bathroom and frisking everyone present. The problem is (and this was very aptly nailed in the Mac ad), you can't let your friends in.

Oh, they can come in if they have an ID badge, and a couple forms of picture ID. But you can't tell the guards, "Hey, this is my friend. Put him on your list."

So I have a program called wampmanager.exe -- it's a great test environment for Windows-Apache-MySQL-PHP, and I want it to load everytime I restart. See its classification in the window below:

"Not yet classified," huh? Hmm. Maybe you could let ME classify it as PERMITTED. Why not? It's MY computer Vista. You're not the boss of me!

Except, in fact, that you ARE the boss of me.

Vista sucks,
Randy